Day 13: Adam Versus Jesus – Who Wins?

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I didn’t sleep well last night and have been fighting a migraine all day. I work Saturday mornings, and then we needed to run an errand. Lunch helped me feel better temporarily, and then I feel asleep in my chair while trying to get my Bible reading, daily reading, and prayer done. It’s almost 6 PM, but I have finished!

I shared elsewhere the following about my checklist below:

These are my daily health goals. I know some of them don’t seem to be about health, but in order to choose well food-wise, I need to do them all.

Day 13, and I have found this to be true!

I’m still fighting a headache, but not as bad as what I usually experience.

In June, I tracked the frequency of my headaches. I had a headache 19 out of 30 days, and was in pain from June 19th well into July. I’m grateful July has not been nearly as bad. I’m hoping more consistently healthy food choices will help.

I wrote this whole section of Scripture in my journal today:

“And what a difference between man’s sin and God’s forgiveness!

For this one man, Adam, brought death to many through his sin. But this one man, Jesus Christ, brought forgiveness to many through God’s mercy. Adam’s one sin brought the penalty of death to many, while Christ freely takes away many sins and gives glorious life instead. The sin of this one man, Adam, caused death to be king over all, but all who will take God’s gift of forgiveness and acquittal are kings of life because of this one man, Jesus Christ. Yes, Adam’s sin brought punishment to all, but Christ’s righteousness makes men right with God, so that they can live. Adam caused many to be sinners because he disobeyed God, and Christ caused many to be made acceptable to God because he obeyed. 

The Ten Commandments were given so that all could see the extent of their failure to obey God’s laws. But the more we see our sinfulness, the more we see God’s abounding grace forgiving us. Before, sin ruled over all men and brought them to death, but now God’s kindness rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 5:15-21

I love how The Living Bible uses italics to contrast what Adam caused and what Christ accomplished. Unfortunately you can’t see it in the above quote, but you can see it here. I started by just writing that first verse, but couldn’t stop until the end of the chapter because it was so good.

Man’s Sin through Adam Versus God’s Forgiveness through Jesus Christ

Brought death             Vs.      Brought forgiveness
Penalty of death       Vs.      Glorious Life
Death king over all Vs.      Kings of Life
Punishment to All       Vs.    Men Right with God
Many to be Sinner      Vs.     Many to be acceptable to God
(because of Adam’s disobedience)  (because Christ obeyed)
We see our sinfulness  Vs.   We see God’s abounding grace
Sin ruled over men, bringing death     Vs.  God’s kindness rules, giving right standing with God and eternal life through Jesus Christ

Sorry I couldn’t figure out how to make it prettier, but you certainly get the idea. I will leave you to ponder that until I return Monday!

Bible Reading: Romans 4-5
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Activity: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Worship in Song: Check
Choosing to Trust: Check

Day 12: Am I a Fraud?

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In the Sunday evening blog post before day 1 of this “breaking up with food” journey, I mentioned a scripture that had come to mind. Looking back over my journal, I realized I recently read it in the Keith Green biography, which then triggered my memory about a conference I attended (read that story here). I wrote it down from “No Compromise” on June 26. Then on July 12, as I was sitting in church, dreaming about eating peanut butter and jelly straight out of jars, my pastor shared the same Scripture.

“Sow righteousness for yourselves,
    reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
    for it is time to seek the Lord,
until he comes
    and showers his righteousness on you.” Hosea 10:12

He was actually preaching about the parable of the sower, which he referred to as the parable of the soil. And the first type of soil is unplowed, or “fallow” as it is called in some translations.

  • From https://bit.ly/2ZXgj6X

And yes, I noted in my journal that the fact that I was listening to the preaching of the Word and dreaming of overeating clearly shows the division of my heart!

I will mention  as a side note here I do hear the sermon twice because I serve in both services – but still!

My pastor ended the sermon by saying that we all have these four types of soil in our hearts – and that we can be doing so well in one area or even many, but there is another area of fallow ground. You can watch the service here, including the sermon.

Oh, how true that is for me. I have always mentioned here and there, especially when speaking, my battle with food. But I guess I’ve gotten to the point where I feel like if I admit to this, and publicly commit to a journey of breaking up with food, I’d be seen as a fraud – that all that talk about freedom was just a cover-up. I mean, I even wrote a book called Learning to Walk in Freedom!

I wonder if Lysa TerKeurst felt this way when she wrote her book. She was already a well-known and popular speaker at the time.

That night, July 12, after hearing that sermon, after being reminded in several ways of this verse that meant so much to me early in my journal, after also being reminded in order to return to my first love, I had to do the things I did at first (more in this video), I committed to this journey of breaking up with food. People might think I’m a fraud, but I have no control over that. But I am choosing to be “all in” with God, and that means an undivided heart full of plowed, good soil.

Bible Reading: Romans 1-3
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Activity: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Worship in Song: Check
Choosing to Trust: Check

Day 11: Breaking Up with Food

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Today began with an early walk, for which I am grateful. I am also grateful I have not developed a headache today after several days of pain. I was able to record tomorrow’s “Coffee with Brenna” talking about what’s the real issue – what’s really going on in our hearts? I’ll come back and share the link when it posts tomorrow.

The last few days have been more challenging in terms of staying on track with my food. I will share at some point more about the checklist, including some details about what my eating looks like. I remember when I first read Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food by Lysa TerKeurst that I searched the internet to find out her food plan – as if a specific food plan would solve all my problems! I prayed so many times, God, show me how to eat so I feel satisfied! Well, since we’ve determined this is a heart issue and not a food issue, what exactly I eat doesn’t fix my heart, but having a plan does help.

And don’t worry! I’m keeping a list of things I said I would come back to. I really will; I promise!

Today, I read this in Jude:

“But you, dear friends, must build up your lives ever more strongly upon the foundation of our holy faith, learning to pray in the power and strength of the Holy Spirit.” Jude 20

This is something that intrigues and fascinates me. I have been thinking about and studying the power that is available to believers since last year when I did a study on the word “power” in the Gospels. I don’t know if I was just drawn to dive deeper after reading through all the Gospels, or if deep down, I was feeling so defeated by this struggle with food, I wanted to read what God’s Word says about the believer’s access to power.

I know by reading Scripture that “feeling defeated” is just that – a feeling. According to Scripture, defeat is not my reality. I may not yet be walking in the fullness of this promise of victory, but it is still a promise, as evidenced in the following verses:

“You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.” Colossians 2:13-15

Satan has not only been disarmed, but he has been publicly shamed by Jesus’s victory on the cross.

Today, I build my life upon my faith in what Jesus Christ has done (not how I feel or what I might have accomplished) as I learn to pray in the strength and power of the Holy Spirit in me.

Bible Reading: Jude
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Activity: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Worship in Song: Check
Choosing to Trust: Check

Day 10: Breaking Up with Food

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Today hit me like a ton of bricks. All the feelings I’ve been eating to avoid finally caught up with me. Feelings about unresolved situations – one in particular that’s really important and very broken. I have no idea how to fix it, but leaving it “not fixed” is not an option.

I woke up with this realization about the above situation/all the feelings, and it’s been weighing me down since. It started raining on my morning walk, and I wasn’t very close to home. I thought of the song “Sweet Rain” that I mentioned several weeks ago in a “Coffee with Brenna” video.

Sweet rain of Your mercy

I felt as if maybe God was crying and grieving with me, recognizing that it wasn’t supposed to be this hard. If it’s hard for you to believe God could be like that, remember that Jesus wept (not the “shed one tear” but “grieved deeply and intensely” kind of crying) at the tomb of Lazarus, DESPITE knowing in moments, He would raise Lazarus from the dead.

I was listening to worship music before beginning to type this, and just now, Set a Fire came on.

No place I would rather be
No place I would rather be
No place I would rather be
Than here in Your love, here in Your love

So set a fire down in my soul
That I can’t contain, that I can’t control
I want more of You, God
I want more of You, God

That’s my cry. Between all the feelings and the headache I’m fighting, I really want more of food.

I want more of food, God!! Help me choose You! I’m choosing to be here in Your love rather than sticking my head in fridge.

Bible Reading: 2 John, 3 John
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Activity: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Worship in Song: Check
Choosing to Trust: Check

Day 9: Breaking Up with Food

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I’ve carried a burden
For too long on my own
I wasn’t created
To bear it alone
I hear Your invitation
To let it all go

As we sang this song at church Sunday, it struck me how deeply this applies to breaking up with food. I’ve tried so hard to fix this myself. I’ve thrown some prayers up to God here and there. But it has bothered me for a long time. I feel ashamed of it, so I don’t ask for prayer, or get the help I need.

I’m done with the hiding
No reason to wait

No more hiding.

I’m breaking up with food, and apparently, I’m doing it quite publicly with the accountability of the internet!

My heart needs a surgeon
My soul needs a friend
So I’ll run to the Father
Again and again and again and again

On 7/13, day 1 of breaking up with food, I wrote in my journal, “I don’t have a food issue – I have a heart issue.”

Your Son for redemption
The price for my heart

One of the Scriptures that compelled me to start this breaking up with food journey is Psalm 86:11b-12a:

“Give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.
I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart.”

I need to let Him heal my heart, the heart that He knit together in the first place.

My heart has been in Your sights
Long before my first breath

I am letting go and letting God, as the saying goes.

Thank You, Jesus, for seeing my divided heart thousands of years before I even was born, and dying so that I could not only be freed from my sin, but so that I could praise You with my whole, entire, undivided heart, a heart that was in Your sights long before my first, premature breath that was almost my last. You have been so good to me.

Bible Reading: 1 John 5
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Activity: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Worship in Song: Check
Choosing to Trust: Check

Day 8: Breaking Up with Food

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I wrote out an entry in my journal yesterday with the intention of typing it up for today’s post. Well, I had class tonight, and then someone came at 8 PM to help with our bug infestation. I’m fighting a headache, so I need to keep this short. I’ll save Sunday’s thoughts for another day.

Today is day 8 of #breakingupwithfood, which means with God’s help, I finished a whole week!

I was amazed at the clarity of mind I had this weekend. I went into an important meeting as well as Sunday services prayed up and feeling especially sensitive to the Holy Spirit.

The more I seek You
The more I find You

These lyrics have been on my heart today. The more I sought food and compulsive eating to soothe my heart and ease my hunger, the more I needed to keep running to those things, despite receiving no long-term satisfaction there. But the more I seek God and surrender and desire to know His heart, the more I find Him, and along with Him, joy, gratitude and peace.

Bible Reading: 1 John 1-2 (Sunday), 1 John 3-4 (Today)
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Activity: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Worship in Song: Check
Choosing to Trust: Check

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Today I woke up to a flying ant infestation in my office. More on this in a second!

In reading through old journals, I can across this chorus I wrote a LONG time ago. I sang this during my worship time the other day.

Forever, I will praise
Through joy & hurt, I’ll praise
Through pain & peace, I’ll praise
No matter what, I’ll praise You anyways!

I remember the Corrie ten Boom story where her sister was thanking God for the fleas in their sleeping area at the concentration camp. Corrie could not bring herself to do so – until she found out the fleas were the reason the guards stayed out of their barracks. This enabled them to have Bible studies and prayer times freely, and if I remember the story correctly, the Bible they hid was never discovered.

I don’t have quite the miracle story! But I am looking on the bright side. I am a fairly messy person, and because of these flying ants, I’ve had to pack everything on my desks up, move my desks, vacuum and organize. I haven’t gotten too far because I had to work all day, but I will!

I have a lot more I wanted to say, but today is one of those days where I have wrestled to check off the list below – which makes it all the more important to do so! I work every Saturday right now 6:30-11 (yes, AM!). Then today I cleaned for about 75 minutes, had a quick lunch, and snuck in some reading before a 2 ½ hour meeting. I got dinner in the oven, had a snack, and then tried to finish the list below while breaking up kids’ fighting and continuing to make dinner. Still calling today a “win” with more to share in the future.

Bible Reading: 2 Peter 1-3
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Activity: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Worship in Song: Check
Choosing to Trust: Check

Day 5: Breaking Up with Food

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Hey! I got through day 5! Well, I’m still awake, so not quite yet 🙂

Today, I’m a little tired and a bit overwhelmed – not sure by what. I am helping out with a tragedy in an old friend’s family, organizing to meet some needs. I’m glad to help, but it’s been a bit more time-consuming than I anticipated.

I do thrive a bit on routine, especially in the morning. I did not get out for a walk first thing. My family needed me, so that also means I didn’t read the Bible right away. As I’m typing this, I haven’t even worshipped or prayed through my prayer cards, and it’s 5 PM! So I probably should have done these things before I put so much time into the other situation. Thankfully, I don’t need to do much more concerning that for a few days.

Also, another situation I hoped would turn around isn’t. That’s bothering me.

I stopped writing to worship and pray. When I worship in song, I usually just grab the guitar and see what comes out. I meandered to this song:

I will not forget You are my God, my King
With a thankful heart I bring my offering
And my sacrifice is not what You can give
But what I alone can give to you

A grateful heart I give, A thankful prayer I pray,
A wild dance I dance before you
A loud song I sing, A huge bell I ring,
A life of praise I live before You

“I Will Not Forget You” by 100 Portraits

It’s a beautiful song. If you haven’t heard it before, have a listen. Can you guess which line is my favorite?

I need to remember God in all that I do. He has done so much.

I had a long passage of scripture I copied into my journal today. I’ll just link to it here if you want to read.

Bible Reading: 1 Peter 2-5
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Activity: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Worship in Song: Check
Choosing to Trust: Check

Day 4: Breaking Up with Food

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I have always wanted to experience a “zap” moment in my relationship with food – a moment where Jesus meets me at the altar or in my prayer time and suddenly, I’m completely healed and free! I know exactly how to eat and when to eat and how much to eat, skipping at a healthy weight off into the sunset!

I think I wrote about this in my book 😉

The other extreme from the “zap” moment mentality is complacency or even hopelessness, where you have asked over and over for God’s help, and yet you feel like He has done nothing. So you begin to wonder if this is just how life is going to be? Struggling at this level until heaven?

I know logically that it is a cooperation. I do what I can do and God does what only He can do. I exercise my “no” muscle when it comes to food. I make better choices and use some sort of system (even if it’s hunger and fullness cues – which doesn’t currently work for me, and perhaps I’ll write more about that another time) to keep my food in check. And I consistently ask God to empower me to choose Him instead of food.

“Consistently” is the key word there. I would often ask God for help, of course, but then I needed to follow through and allow Him to change me as I made better choices.

That’s why the book is called “Learning to Walk in Freedom.” Somehow, despite writing an entire book on the topic, I have clearly struggled to put this into practice in the area of breaking up with food!

“Obey God because you are his children; don’t slip back into your old ways—doing evil because you knew no better. 1But be holy now in everything you do, just as the Lord is holy, who invited you to be his child.” 1 Peter 1:14-15

Well, once you know better, you do better, so I’m putting it into practice now! I didn’t sleep well last night (fatigue is another food trigger for me), but still chose well today. I also added worshipping to my checklist, whether it’s along with a recording or on my guitar (I don’t have a piano at home). Today, I sang “My Heart Will Trust” after breaking out in Psalm 23 during prayer time.

Bible Reading: 1 Peter 1 & Psalm 23
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Activity: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Worship in Song: Check
Choosing to Trust: Check

Day 3: Breaking Up with Food

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I ended yesterday with a headache. Having a headache is a trigger for me, food-wise, because I get an upset stomach that is often only calmed with food. I laid down for an hour and woke worse, with a very unhappy tummy. I had already scheduled yesterday’s update to post, and so despite really, really wanting to overeat, I ate a reasonable snack, tracked it, and went about my headache-y business. I am prone to headaches, so I need to continue to look for solutions for settling my stomach that still qualify as breaking up with food.

Today was better. I even felt a glimmer of joy and hope. Yesterday, I felt really down as my headache grew. Food has been the friend I run to during trying times. I sat outside, praying and realizing for the millionth time that only God can fill that need. He may not always heal the pain, but He is always near if we draw near (as I coincidentally read today in James 4:8).

I’m writing this really late after work because I had a very busy day. I will leave you with a Scripture, all of which I wrote in cursive in my journal after coming across it in my daily Bible reading (I print my own thoughts in my journal and use cursive for God’s Word). It’s long, but please read it. It was both extremely convicting and oddly comforting.

“You are like an unfaithful wife who loves her husband’s enemies. Don’t you realize that making friends with God’s enemies—the evil pleasures of this world—makes you an enemy of God? I say it again, that if your aim is to enjoy the evil pleasure of the unsaved world, you cannot also be a friend of God. Or what do you think the Scripture means when it says that the Holy Spirit, whom God has placed within us, watches over us with tender jealousy? But he gives us more and more strength to stand against all such evil longings. As the Scripture says, God gives strength to the humble but sets himself against the proud and haughty.

So give yourselves humbly to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. And when you draw close to God, God will draw close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and let your hearts be filled with God alone to make them pure and true to him. Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and sincere grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Then when you realize your worthlessness before the Lord, he will lift you up, encourage and help you.” James 4:4-10

Bible Reading: James 3-5
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Activity: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Choosing to Trust: Check