If you click on the “Learning to Walk in Freedom” tag in my right navigation, it lists the post in reverse order, so I am creating this post to make reading the series easier to navigate.
Intro: What is Freedom? Part 1 & Part 2
2. Spend Time with Freedom Seekers
I’m fully engrossed in the process of creating my focus priorities for the coming year. Let me tell you – I’m excited about 2012!
As I brainstormed my roles, I took some time to reflect on 2011. What kind of year was it? How had I changed? I went through my journals and gathered some highlights of the year, some Scriptures that had touched my heart, as well as some words I felt God had spoken to me. And I prayed: did God want me to incorporate any of this in my 2012 roles, priorities, and goals?
He had covered 30 miles. In the process, he’d had a blinding realization: There were untapped reservoirs within him. It was like a religious conversion. He had been born again as a long-distance runner. More than anything else now, he wanted to find out how far he could go.
What about you? Is God challenging you to take it to the next level? Are you feeling too comfortable? Or possibly feeling stuck? This is the perfect time to evaluate any goals you had set for 2011 and reassess for 2012 (this post might help).
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14, emphasis mine
I’ll need your patience today.
I’m having trouble concentrating. Lack of sleep, illness, end of a long week: lots of reasons. So bear with me 🙂
As I was pondering today’s post as well as the next few posts that will end the year, I began to reflect on my journey toward today. I reflected in writing for quite some time before I determined that needed a post of its own 🙂
Suffice it to say if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you have heard me write a lot about learning to walk in freedom, as well as the process of becoming (or reconnecting with) who God created you to be by reconnecting with our power source, the giver of life, our Heavenly Father.
I’m so thankful for the people and resources that shaped me into who I am today. I decided I’d talk about some of those resources here. Also, if you get a gift card for Christmas, or are still looking for a book to give us a gift, I thought I could offer some suggestions, resources that have been helpful to me along the way. I’m linking to the actual book, but if you have a Kindle or something similar, there is a link to the other options on the Amazon.com page. Almost all of these books have a Kindle option.
Boundaries and Safe People by Cloud & Townsend
I pair these 2 books together because they have an even more powerful impact when read side-by-side. I read Safe People first and found that to be invaluable. If you struggle with knowing who to trust, where or how to find help & support, or you find that you don’t always make the best choices in friends, this book addresses that clearly. I then read Boundaries, which helps the reader to implement some healthy limits in our personal lives and relationships with others.
Breaking Free and Relational Masks by Russell Willingham
Of course, I have to also recommend these 2 books by one of my favorite authors. I especially recommend Relational Masks as a good way to dive into the core beliefs behind your actions, as well as a way to unearth the masks that keep you from discovering who God created you to be.
Anonymous by Alicia Britt Chole
I highlighted one of her resources last week in my post on disillusionment. I’m finishing up this book Anonymous now. I’ll let the author’s description of the book speak for itself. “We all experience times of hiddenness, when our potential is unseen and our abilities unapplauded. This book redeems those times by reminding us that though we often want to rush through these anonymous seasons of the soul, they hold enormous power to cultivate character traits that cannot be developed any other way!”
And some leadership resources:
Preventing Ministry Failure by Brad Hoffmann & Michael Todd Wilson
Every time I mention this resource to a pastor or ministry leader I respect, I am shocked they haven’t heard of it! This is a truly phenomenal book concerning an issue close to my heart. I have always asked the question, “Why do leaders fall?” I mean, I know the literal answer to that question – because they made destructive choices. But how did they get to the point of making those choices? Have we set up such an unattainable standard in our churches and ministries that leaders are not allowed to be vulnerable with their struggles?
Years ago, I read this article, 5 Lies That Lead to an Affair by Julie Ferwerda. The main thing I took away from the article was this: it’s the tiny compromises that become the huge compromises. This woman didn’t wake up one day and decide to have an affair. It was a slow progression of little, only slightly destructive choices that may have appeared harmless from the outside. I also believe part of the issue was that she felt she didn’t have the freedom to be honest about her real-life struggles with those around her.
Back to this book: it’s written in workbook style and explores a myriad of issues, including having a life purpose statement, creating an adequate support system, understanding our calling, and setting up adequate safeguards. A must-have for ministry leaders today.
And last, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable by Patrick Lencioni
This book was given to me by my spiritual mentor. The minute I started reading it, I barely put it down unless I absolutely had to (feeding the kids, changing diapers, you know!). I read it in one day. Lencioni is a powerful storyteller who creates a fictional tale about an organization that needs a major overhaul. He concludes the book with practical help for creating a unified and constructive team.
DISILLUSION
transitive verb
: to free from illusion; also : to cause to lose naive faith and trust
Disillusionment: the state of being disillusioned.
Have you ever experienced disillusionment?
I have. I went through an extremely painful time in the early years of my faith. I’ve mentioned it here in bits and pieces.
I doubted everything. I questioned everything. And my doubts and my questions tore me to shreds.
Recently, I heard Alicia Britt Chole speak at a conference. I had been looking forward to it for quite some time. Her DVD series Choices was one of the first things we studied in Bible study after I became a Christian, and it was eye-opening and heart-changing.
She spoke about disillusionment, particularly as it relates to the disciples and Jesus. The disciples were incredibly disillusioned with Jesus at times, despite the fact that they walked with Him. They were disillusioned with His timing, disillusioned with His ways, and disillusioned with His words.
One example of this disillusionment is in John 6. Jesus had just done a miracle with a young boy’s lunch, and the crowds were following Him around to see what else He could do, as well as to see if He might feed them again.
In the midst of this, Jesus shared this:
“I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you cannot have eternal life within you. But anyone who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise that person at the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Anyone who eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him.”
Imagine how you would have replied to this, had you been one of Jesus’ disciples. I think I would have stood there, thinking, “Huh? Jesus, that doesn’t even make sense!” Let’s read further to see what the response was.
Many of his disciples said, “This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?” Jesus was aware that his disciples were complaining……..At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him.
They complained. They were disillusioned. This isn’t what they were expecting from Jesus. They wanted a meal, and maybe a miraculous sign. They wanted a concrete explanation of what on earth Jesus was talking about. When they didn’t get any of those things, they left. Not everyone, but the passage says “many”.
Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, “Are you also going to leave?” Simon Peter replied, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God.”
What is the difference between the two groups of disciples in this story? Why did some turn away? Why did some stay?
Some responded to this difficult command by grumbling among themselves. They turned to each other for wisdom, and complained about this strange leader of theirs.
But others react to this statement of Jesus’ quite differently. They chose to look to Jesus. They knew enough about Him to chose to believe that there was nowhere else to go. They chose to take their questions to Him.
They asked their questions while looking into the safety of their Savior’s face.
So often when we start asking questions or having doubts in our faith, our tendency is to take our questions elsewhere. We turn away from God – out of fear, anger, hurt, or general disillusionment.
I did this. I did not take my questions to Jesus. I stopped reading the Bible. I stopped praying. The questions felt overwhelming, suffocating.
There is nothing wrong with questions and doubts. That’s something I love about the disciples’ example. They weren’t afraid to ask questions, even questions to which the answers seem obvious to us today. Jesus wasn’t afraid of or offended by their questions. He just wanted the disciples to bring their questions to Him.
Sometimes, Jesus would answer them right away; other times, He shared that His words would make sense eventually.
He says the same thing to us.
I’ve heard disillusionment described as gaining a reality. Through this period of questioning, I gained a new reality. A reality that trust is a choice. A reality that not everything is going to make sense in the moment. A reality that God is good, He is on my side, and that His plans are for my prosperity and hope.
Now I take my questions to my Savior. Not always in a timely manner, but my doubts no longer cause me to run. My questions no longer feel like abandonment. They no longer send me spiraling to my default setting. I am able to simply take them to Jesus and trust He will show me the answers, with time.
If you’d like to hear more about disillusionment, I highly recommend the CD “Real Life, Real Pain, and a Real God” from Alicia Britt Chole’s resources. You can also find many of her books on Amazon.com (I’m loving the book anonymous right now!).
Your questions are OK with God. Just remember to ask them to Him, to His face, and in the safety of His arms.
I became a Christian halfway through my 3 years at Second College (I went to college elsewhere for 2 years, took 2 years off, and transferred to a new school to finish).
Initially, I was amazed. God revealed Himself to me, daily, in big ways and little ways.
He came through.
He showed Himself strong.
He was faithful.
Then life happened. I made some bad choices. I didn’t ask God for His help in certain areas. And I found myself in a destructive, and yet familiar, relationship with a woman who “needed my help.”
It’s no secret that I was gay-identified for almost a decade. By the time I came to know Jesus, my identity was firmly planted in being gay. It was who I was, and it was what I knew. It was familiar. It was comfortable in its discomfort (as I talked about last week).
I didn’t know anything else but being gay. So when this relationship began, it simply stood to reinforce my fear: the fear of the unknown.
The fear of the unknown is a powerful force. It keeps us in unhealth because the unhealth we know is familiar. It’s a known pain, a known chaos.
It also keeps us in situations that aren’t necessarily unhealthy, but are not God’s best for us. They are not the next step in God’s plan.
Fear of the unknown keeps us chained.
It keeps us from moving forward.
It keeps us from our Promised Land.
Exodus 14 begins with the Israelites camped by the Red Sea. Pharaoh decided he made a mistake in letting the Israelites go and began to follow them.
We pick up the story in verse 10:
As Pharaoh drew near, the sons of Israel looked, and behold, the Egyptians were marching after them, and they became very frightened; so the sons of Israel cried out to the LORD. Then they said to Moses, “Is it because there were no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? Why have you dealt with us in this way, bringing us out of Egypt? Is this not the word that we spoke to you in Egypt, saying, ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.”
People stay in or run back to miserable situations because of the fear of the unknown. The above quote from the Israelites is a perfect example of that.
I was a perfect example of this. The woman I was in a relationship with had a lot of problems. I had a lot of problems. Even in the best of circumstances, we would have made a horrible match! Underneath that rebellious choice to enter into a relationship that I knew to be wrong was a broken child crying out to her heavenly father, “Are You really enough for me? Can I leave behind everything I’ve known and built my life upon for the unknown that is a relationship with You?”
I have to remember, as I read the above passage, that the Israelites were just beginning to walk out of generations of slavery. It was all they had ever experienced. It was all they knew. They had no context for the Promised Land.
Continuing on in Exodus:
But Moses said to the people, “Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever. The LORD will fight for you while you keep silent.” Then the LORD said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to Me? Tell the sons of Israel to go forward.”
Moses raised his hand over the sea, and God opened a path through the water for the Israelites. In my case, my girlfriend dumped me, and I decided, painstakingly, one-step-at-a-time, to choose to trust God, not only in the area of my sexuality, but also with my whole life.
When God calls us to something new, it’s not surprising that we will experience fear. Like the Israelites, we have no context for this new journey; all we have is context for the old one. The “what if’s”, the questions, the obstacles – they overwhelm us. They keep us standing still.
But in those moments, you have a choice: stick with the pain you know, or choose to trust God and forge ahead into the pain you don’t know. The latter is a choice to trust that God is who He says He is and He will do what He has said He will do. It’s a choice to believe that He must have something better for you, that this can’t be all there is, that if He’s asking you to move forward, then He will carry us through.
If you are overcome by a fear of the unknown today, surrender it to God. Give Him your questions and hesitations; He’s not afraid of them. Then, stand by. Wait and see how God will fight for you and what He wants to accomplish for you. And “do it afraid”, as Joyce Meyer says. As God commanded the Israelites, go forward, despite the fear. Do not let fear of the unknown paralyze you or keep you from living in the fullness of all God has for you.
I’m praying Romans 15:13 for you today: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Happy Thanksgiving, Freedom Friday readers!
This is Freedom Friday, the Black Friday edition. While some are out and about, partaking in this Black Friday, by shopping till they drop, others are experiencing something quite different.
Thanksgiving, for some, was a joyous time to gather with family and friends. It was an opportunity to practice family traditions, eat lots of food, and overall rejoice at all God has given them over the past year.
For others, Thanksgiving wasn’t quite so joyous.
The past year for them may have been full of growth and victory, setbacks and forward motion. They may have gone into the holiday with high hopes for health, for maintaining appropriate boundaries, for showing their family how far they have come.
Yet they walk away from that day, feeling like a failure, wondering if they’ve grown or changed at all.
For still others, Thanksgiving was a wake-up call, a realization that things cannot continue the way they have been. Boundaries need to be set, words need to be spoken, and possibly some relationships need to be put on pause or even severed. Just the thought is likely completely overwhelming.
All of these people are experiencing their own emotional Black Friday.
They find themselves rapidly plummeting into their default setting, experiencing despair instead of trust, falling into complete and utter hopelessness. They might struggle with turning back to old coping patterns, or even attempt to paint a prettier picture of the past than is the reality (a concept I discuss in the article “Craving Egypt“).
Freedom no longer feels attainable, and we wonder if we put in all this effort for nothing.
Before you make any rash decisions, wait.
Pause. Take a breath.
There is still hope.
When we experience the petri dish that often is our family, it is normal to fall back in to old patterns of relating. We revert to the way we’ve always interacted because that’s what we know.
Egypt was all the Israelites knew as they wandered in the wilderness. The promised land? They could only guess what that would be like. But Egypt, despite being slavery, felt familiar. Familiar was comfortable for them.
Even unhealthy patterns of relating can have their own level of comfort, even in the midst of their discomfort. That may seem odd, but this is why people generally fall into certain roles within the family. That role, healthy or unhealthy, becomes familiar. The reactions of other to that role, good or bad, is predictable. If one tries to fit into a new role, people react in new ways. Conflict creates a new type of discomfort. Thus, we often revert back to our unhealthy role with its own discomfort and chaos because at least that discomfort is predictable.
This is also why we often revert to our destructive coping mechanisms. The pain they bring is at least familiar. The pain of growth and change, as we strive to let go of those damaging patterns, is new pain.
The distress of trying to break into new patterns is also new, but necessary, pain. Just as believers need to learn to walk in freedom in our journey of faith, we also need to learn to walk in freedom in the ways we relate to our families.
What can we do to avoid another emotional Black Friday?
1. Remember what God has done. Pull out your encouragement file. Grab your journal and your Bible to recognize who He is and what He’s done in your life and the lives of others.
2. Recognize what happened and still needs to happen. Ask your Source to show you with His eyes what really happened on Thanksgiving. Ask for His perspective. Was there a moment when a boundary was crossed that you should have left the room or stood up for yourself somehow? Was there a time you did stand up for yourself where you should have been silent, that the energy you used was like throwing your emotional pearls to the pigs? Did things really go as well as could be expected or hoped for, and yet it was simply your perception or expectations that were off? What boundaries need to be set and what healing needs to take place?
3. Reflect on what God can do. Look back on your stones of remembrance, the ways God has shown Himself strong and faithful in your life. Practice gratitude. Find something to give thanks for. Put your hope in Him based on His character, His love for His children, and His desire to bless you richly. He desires that you become who He created you to be even more than you do! And finally, choose to trust Him.
Even today can be turned around. Make one good choice. Choose to turn to God and not self-medication. Choose to call a friend and not isolate. Choose to share how you are feeling, out loud, to God rather than stuff it down with too much pie.
Choose freedom. My prayers are with you.
Every once in a while, I stumble across a characteristic of God, an attribute of His, a behavior, a response, that catches my breath.
I wrote a few months ago about the God who sustains, the God who stoops to make us great.
I’m still reading the books of 1 Chronicles and Psalms, and yesterday’s psalm was Psalm 86 (a prayer of David).
The Psalm begins:
Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer.
The God who bends.
I had to pause as I was overcome with this image. Our Heavenly Father, all-powerful and all-knowing, able to speak just one word and entire universes are created – this awesome God. Was He really the God who would bend down to hear our prayer?
First, I wanted to learn more about this word that is translated “bend”.
The transliterated Hebrew word is “natah“. Here are some other ways it’s translated:
to bow
to bend, turn, incline, to bend down
to stretch out, to spread out
to incline, influence, hold out, extend
I then went to the Word to see if there were other mentions of God bending (using my Life Recovery Bible, which is the New Living Translation).
“Bend down, O Lord, and listen! Open your eyes, O Lord, and see!” 2 Kings 19:16
“Lord, hear my prayer! Listen to my plea! Don’t turn away from me in my time of distress. Bend down to listen, and answer me quickly when I call to you.” Psalm 102:1-2
“I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray.” Psalm 17:6
“Bend down, O Lord, and listen! Open your eyes, O Lord, and see!” Isaiah 37:17
Thus far, these are all declarations from people, requests that God bend down and hear their prayers. These are desperate cries from people desperate for God to show up. Psalm 102 even contains the description: “A prayer of one overwhelmed with trouble, pouring out problems before the Lord.”
And then I read Psalm 116:1-2:
I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!
The God who bends. He bends down to listen. He inclines His ear. He stoops, and then He sustains. He rescues. He comforts, and He answers.
He is the God who bends.
The ultimate picture of God bending is when He sent His Son, Jesus, to carry the cross in order to correct the problem of sin and disconnection from our Source. The perfect picture of Jesus, literally bending under the weight of the cross, so that we would be freed to become the people God created us to be, His flawless sacrifice of love, so that we would walk in the freedom and abundant life that only became possible through Jesus’ death and resurrection.
Verse 5 of Psalm 86 says, “O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.” Verse 15 says “You, O Lord, are a God of compassion and mercy, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.”
That is a picture of the God who bends.
Good.
Ready to forgive.
Full of unfailing love.
Compassionate.
Merciful.
Slow to anger.
Again, full of unfailing love.
The God who spared no expense, who gives, and gives, and gives some more.
Today, the God who bends is calling you to call to Him. Stop trying to become “good enough” to come to Him. There is no such thing! As the song “I will arise and go to Jesus” states, “If we tarry till we’re better, we will never come to all.”
Come. As you are. It sounds trite, almost too simple. That’s the beauty of grace, the beauty of God’s character.
We serve the God who bends.
At the time I should be posting Freedom Friday, I will instead be speaking at a women’s retreat. I’m looking forward to it!
I want to leave you with this thought.
I have a stirring in me lately, a “holy discontent” as Bill Hybels would say.
The whisper to my soul is this:
“We can’t stay here.”
Last week, we talked about feeling stuck. Sometimes, we stay stuck of our own accord. We make choices that keep us stuck, or we don’t make the choices we need to in order to get unstuck.
Other times, we are just content where we are. That can be complacency, but more often, it’s a sense of peace and satisfaction at what God has done and is doing in our lives.
Then comes the whisper to our souls. The tender, loving call of God.
The gentle prodding, the kind yet persistent nudge, that is saying, “We can’t stay here.
“I know you’re comfortable and content. I am amazed at the child of God you are becoming, of the person I created you to be that is emerging.
“I love you. Passionately. Lavishly. But I’m asking you to take my hand.
“We can’t stay here.”
Have you heard this whisper? Have you responded? Or are you trying to ignore it, content in where you are?
It often comes without guidance. Its purpose is sometimes not to promptly direct us, but it is a preparation, a depositing of an expectation.
God is moving, and I have a choice. I can go with Him, or I can dig my heels in and not move.
If God is speaking this to you today, I encourage you to pray about it. Surrender your fears and desires. Dive deep into His Word. Tell someone about the stirring in your soul, and ask them to pray with you. Prepare yourself for His direction.
Despite the choice we make, God’s calling is clear.
“We can’t stay here.”
Sicks kids again today! But here are some short thoughts for you to consider.
I’ve been hearing from a lot of people lately who feel stuck. Stuck in their spiritual lives, stuck in their jobs, stuck in their recovery – just stuck. They feel as if so many things are working against them, and not many things are working for them.
They are asking: what do I do? What can I do? How do I move from this place?
They feel as if their hands are tied.
I read the following verse in my psalm this morning. It actually appears three times in the psalm.
“Turn us again to Yourself, O God. Make Your face shine down upon us. Only then will we be saved.” Psalm 80:3, 7, 19
Sometimes, we overcomplicate things. We forget to pray. We don’t ask for help. We neglect reading God’s Word. We stop trying to hear God’s voice. We don’t utilize the tools we’ve learned are helpful. We lose hope.
As I’ve been praying for these people, God spoke these words to me: they are fearfully and wonderfully made.
How our lives and hearts would be changed if we could begin to grasp the fullness of all that means! He knit us together. God knows us better than we know ourselves. He is the One with the plan and purpose for our lives. He knows us intimately. He alone is able to save us – from our sin, from our struggles, from our bondage in all the forms it takes.
If your hands feel tied today, open your journal and write. Use it as a way to talk to God about what you’re experiencing. Or simply speak to Him out loud. Lay it all out before Him: every circumstance, every doubt, every concern, every emotion, every situation that has you feeling bound & overwhelmed. Ask God to breath life into you once again. Ask Him, as the psalmist did, to turn you to Himself again, shine His face on you. Have a friend pray with you. Read Psalm 139. If it’s familiar to you, read it in a different translation. Read the posts about being a child of God, being His favorite. Trust that He wants to speak to you and pause to listen.
“Turn us again to Yourself, O God. Make Your face shine down upon us. Only then will we be saved.” Psalm 80:3, 7, 19
