Category Archives: family

Freedom Friday: A New & Glorious Morn

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Today I’m going to share with you the One Thing that is the key to learning to walk in freedom!

This is not a continuation of last week, but a separate teaching due to the holidays 🙂 When I say “due to the holidays”, what I mean is “due to the fact that I am out of town and left my notes for today’s entry at home.” Then again, I thought it’d be kind of silly to ignore the fact that much of the world is celebrating Christmas tomorrow!

Last year at this time, I published an article entitled “God Gave His Only“. You should read it.

God knew before He created you and me that we’d inherit from our ancestors in the Garden of Eden a propensity to make bad choices, with the complete inability to throw off the chains of struggle.

Before the foundation of time, God devised a master rescue mission. Jesus was not God’s Plan B or C, as my pastor pointed out last week. He was God’s plan A.

My 3 year old son thinks Christmas is all about presents and for the past few weeks has daily presented me with things he cannot live without and must get for Christmas. I realized, quite pitifully, that he had no idea why we even celebrate Christmas in the first place.

Mommy FAIL.

Anyway, we started reading about the birth of Jesus in his kid’s Bible. For the first time, I noticed that little manger packed with straw and it really struck me: Jesus was a baby.

Mary pushed that baby out the old-fashioned way with no epidural or fetal monitoring in a barn with animals and their poo hanging out everywhere.

I’m sure this struck me as especially interesting because I had a c-section with my 3 year-old and a homebirth with my youngest. I had people ask me if having a baby at home is sanitary. More sanitary than a barn!

Anyway, Jesus was a baby. He cried when He needed His mom (contrary to what “Away in a Manger” says), He was breastfed, He had poopy diapers. For years, He needed adults to meet His every need.

Jesus could have easily come as a full-grown man. He was God, after all. He could have floated down from the clouds and made quite an entrance for Himself!

Instead, as my acquaintance Alicia Britt Chole says, Jesus had 30 hidden years (get the book with your Christmas money) during which He knew His call & His purpose, yet He lived a life that looked pretty normal from the outside – and did not sin.

Jesus was God’s plan A for learning to walk in freedom.

God saw that people He loved were drowning in their sin. Because of His great love for His creation, because of His compassionate heart for His children. He knew that it would be painful for both God the Father and Jesus His Son, but He did it anyway. He spared no expense, but extravagantly gave His only; He did what needed to be done in order for us to have the opportunity to be reconciled to Him, the chance to live in freedom, once and for all.

As The Message says, “Christ has set us free to live a free life.”

As we meditate on the birth of the Freedom Giver, let us reflect on the words of this song that are heavy on my heart:

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
‘Til He appear’d and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Jesus, in His birth, His life, in His death and in His resurrection, gives us the opportunity to become recreated into the person He designed us to be. Because of Him, we can walk into “a new and glorious morn”: an abundant life of true freedom.

“Let all within us praise His holy name.”

Keeping Feelings in Their Proper Place

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On Saturday, I started thinking about Tuesday. That’s today, December 14, the day on which in 2002, I married my husband. The day on which in 2008, I found out I was pregnant with Bunny Boo, the baby who was born much too early and straight into God’s arms.

I don’t know why God allowed those two dates to be the same. It’s one of many times in my life that a date has significance for multiple reasons. Another example is the day Bunny Boo passed away: 4 weeks after we learned of his existence. It was on the same date my father’s parents, my grandparents, passed away, except my pebble baby died 1 year after my grandmother died and 40 years after my grandfather (my grandparents died on the same date, 39 years apart). And then my baby JJ, who wouldn’t have been born had Bunny Boo survived, is now 1. He was born on the same date that my aunt, the sister of my grandmother, passed away, just 1 year later.

I can’t say why God allows dates to line up like that. In this case, maybe He didn’t want me to forget. But on Saturday, I started feeling quite sad and very sorry for myself.

Then I decided to take some of my own advice. I decided to allow my feelings to be indicators rather than dictators.

I could allow myself to feel my feelings without choosing to wallow and drown in them.

It is absolutely OK for me to be sad that I lost a child. Absolutely. But often we start to feel bad and then we analyze and rationalize all the reasons we are feeling bad. We stare deeply into our feelings, gazing into each cell and picking apart every nook and cranny. We choose to dive straight into self-pity rather than allowing God into those moments: not only to give us insight but to allow them to be redeemed.

Deeply feeling our emotions is part of the healing process. But it’s not the end. Sometimes we have to stay in that place for a little while in order to learn that our feelings are valid, as many of us have been told time and time again not only to ignore and deny our feelings, but also that our feelings, our emotions, our reactions are just too big and too much.

That said, as much as we do want to recognize how we are feeling, we need to remember that our feelings are valid as indicators. If we dwell there too long, we can allow them to transform into dictators.

Today on this beautiful and painful anniversary, I will allow myself to feel my feelings, but I won’t permit them to engulf me. Instead, I can acknowledge that my feelings of grieve can coexist with my feelings of rejoicing in all this day encompasses.

How To Keep Dreams Alive

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How do we keep out dreams alive?

Through the mundane of life, how do we keep dreaming about the plans that God has laid and is laying on our hearts? How do we not get bogged down by the bills to pay, diapers to change, mouths to feed? How do we get our eyes off the obstacles in the way and rather lift our eyes a little higher, keeping the prize in view?

When I had already written all the above, I came across this blog entry. He gives some practical advice on how to get out of the rut you may have fallen into and get back into focus.

Some of it is not super practical for a stay-at-home/work-at-home mom like me. Finding a big chunk of time to spend alone and focus on God, the giver and sustainer of my dreams? Near impossible!! I’m thankful for the 10 minutes I sneak by myself in the morning to read God’s Word. But on a very rare occasion, my kids do sleep at the same time, and I really need to take hold of those moments and focus on Him.

I can also do small focus moments throughout the day. I enjoy having a Bible reading application on my iPhone, as well as a couple of devotional apps. I also listen to podcasts of some Christian speakers I enjoy and am inspired by as I go about my day. Sometimes, while my children are playing, I may even have the opportunity to read a few pages of a book! And just interacting with my children reminds me of who God is as my perfect heavenly father, and how His singing and rejoicing over me to exponentially bigger and greater than what I feel for my own children. The bottom line is that It’s easy for my focus to get sidetracked, so I can use these small things to bring it back to Him.

It certainly can be (and is at times) easy to get discouraged when I don’t feel as if I have the time & space to see my dreams come to fruition. As a mom, I need to remember that my primary mission is here at home! God has given me & my husband two (so far!) beautiful children to care for. God forbid I ever look on them as an obstacle to what God has for me in my life. On the contrary, when God knit together His plans & dreams for me, He already orchestrated all the great things my husband, my kids and I would do together!

Rather I keep my focus on the giver and perfecter of my faith, the One who is able to make His plans come to pass in His perfect timing. I’m just along for the ride 🙂

Back Home

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We’re home. Our flight was delayed about two & a half hours due to the rain storms in Boston. So we sat on the runway for 2.5 hours! Bear did very well, all things considered.

I have to say first that while I had an amazing time at the conference, I’m happy to be home 🙂 I had eggs and a mostly decaf americano for breakfast for the 1st time in almost a week. And we missed Noodles so much! I’ve never seen him so happy to see us.

I’ll try to post a wrap-up from the conference later today if I have time. You can check out some other conference update at Laura Leigh’s blog (including a picture of me sharing my testimony).

High Needs Babies & Flying

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I haven’t been as good about blogging lately for a couple reasons. First, I’ve been trying to prepare for Bear’s first plane ride. We’re going to North Carolina for the Exodus Freedom Conference in less than 3 weeks! 3 years ago when we went down there, we drove, so we were weighing the pros & cons of driving versus flying. Driving was appealing because I could bring my blender for green smoothies, as well as any food & supplies I might need. But that’s an awfully long time to be in a car with an infant, so we decided to fly. We’re taking a direct flight to Charlotte (only 2 hours), renting a car, and driving the 2 hours to get to Asheville.

The 2nd reason I haven’t been able to blog is that Bear has been extra needy lately. Bear is and has always been what one would call “High Needs”. I don’t like the terms “difficult” or “fussy”; he’s just who he is. He’s been like this from day 1, so I don’t believe it’s something we caused or cultivated.

I remember coming across Dr. Sears’ book “Fussy Baby Book: parenting your high-need child from birth to five”, when Bear was about 8 weeks old. It described him to a T. In some ways, it was really affirming, and in other ways, totally discouraging. I kept hoping it was just a phase that he would grow out of.

All babies are “high needs” in some sense – it’s just some need to sleep and some don’t as much, some need to suck and some don’t as much, some need to be held a lot and some don’t as much. He has food sensitivities as well as acid reflux, which adds to it. He’s doing better than when he was younger, definitely, but he still requires a lot of time and attention.

It’s easy to get frustrated when I’m trying to get something done, and Bear wants my attention. As Bear gets older, I’m realizing he has three distinct cries: his “I’m bored/pay attention to me” whine, which is more about wanting my attention vs. actually needing my attention, his “I need you” cry, where he really does need me NOW, and his “I’m terrified, come quickly” cry, which he’s only done when the dog barks too close to him or when the smoke alarm goes off (and we have a very sensitive smoke alarm!). When he’s just whining, I reassure him with my voice that I’ll be with him in a minute and quickly finish whatever I’m doing. It’s generally when I’m in the kitchen preparing his food or mine.

I’ve been struggling to practice acceptance. I have many things I’d like to do, and even things I really need to do. But I figure soon enough, Bear will outgrow his desire & need to sit in my lap & take a nap like he is now. Today, I can choose to fight against Bear’s needs, or I can accept him for who he is and cherish his babyhood. I think I’ll do the latter 🙂

Why Does God Let Babies Die?

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That’s the question I asked Roy today. A woman on a message board I frequent lost her baby today. He was born not breathing, with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. He was revived temporarily, but went to be with Jesus last night. I had been praying for her little baby, for his complete healing, & for her family since she went into labor.

The family seems to be holding up as well as could be expected. They have 2 young daughters. Pray for them.

I look at my beautiful son, and my heart breaks to imagine life without him. It gives me a glimpse into the father heart of God, who spared no expense in sending His only son to suffer & die a horrific death.

Roy responded, “Why does God let anyone die?” Good question. There are no easy answers. The fact is we will all die someday. No one is exempt. Does it seem cruel & unfair to me that a sweet little baby boy should have to go to Jesus so soon? Yes. But at least he is not suffering anymore. For now, their little baby boy has received his complete healing and is resting in God’s arms.

Less than 7 months after this, I lost a child to miscarriage. I wrote an article about that experience: Bye, Bye, Pebble Baby

We’re Back :)

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We’re back from our jaunt all around New England & New York; actually, we’ve been back a week. My grandmother’s service was really nice. I managed to sing “Precious Lord” without choking up. My sister sang, a friend of Grammy’s sang, and my brother-in-law played Brahms, as well as several of Grammy’s compositions on the piano. We then went to the cemetary & had a few brief words there, as well as an a capella version of “Angel Band”, led by my dad. I got to see several of my mom’s siblings, so that was nice.

The next day, we then drove to Vermont to see my grandmother’s sister, who is almost 99. She is legally deaf & has been as long as I can remember. In order for her to hear you speaking, you basically need to speak very loudly & annunciate clearly. But when my brother-in-law played some of Grammy’s compositions on the piano, she seemed to be able to easily hear them & was even humming along.

We stayed overnight in a hotel & then saw my aunt again in the morning. We then headed 50 miles east to NH, to see my grandfather’s younger brother & his wife, as well as their son, his 2nd wife, & their son’s son. We went out to lunch & then went on our way back to Boston. Roy went & picked up Noodles that evening; he had been well cared for by the in-laws 🙂

Bear did very well in the car. I was very proud of him. And it was great to see all my family.

Now I’m preparing to speak on Mother’s Day at my church. I’m quite excited about it.