Category Archives: community

Monday Morning Meditation: The Power of Together (Psalm 34 Series)

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Morning!

I’m going to start a little mini-series here for our Monday mornings together where we study a psalm in its entirety. Today, we’re going to begin Psalm 34.

I really love this psalm. I love it so much I decided to memorize it a few years back (only got up to about verse 14). I encourage you to read the whole thing (we’ll be reading this psalm in the NIV1984 translation).

This morning, we’re just going to cover the first 3 verses:

I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt his name together.

All psalms were meant to be read and sung. Sometimes, you’ll see a particular tune mentioned. But when I read this out loud a few months back, I noticed something I had never seen before: King David (the author of this psalm) was speaking this psalm to someone.

He begins by praising God, declaring that his soul will constantly speak God’s praise and boast of Him, in hopes that the afflicted will hear and find reason to rejoice. Then he says to the listener: “Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together.” (emphasis mine)

David is emphasizing the power of together.

Our boasting in what God has done, even our soul’s declarations of gratitude, were not just meant to be done in our prayer closet. They were meant to be seen. This psalm calls us to have His praise always on our lips, including in the presence of others.

Who can you bring alongside you today and encourage? Who can you speak to of God’s faithfulness? Who needs to hear you boast in the Lord, even if you’re not feeling as if there’s much to boast about?

During this series, I’m going to encourage you to take the verses mentioned and read them daily. I set up a daily “event” in my Gmail calendar at 6 AM called “Psalm 34” and put the 3 verses in it. I set it to repeat daily and send me an email reminder 5 minutes before to the event, and I cut & paste the 3 verses into the description field. I personally set it to repeat indefinitely, so I can just change the verses next week.

Whether you put them on your bathroom mirror (a low-tech option), on your car dashboard, or set up your own reminder system, I encourage you to read the verses daily. Consider memorizing them. Be reminded of the power of together. And ask God to show you an opportunity to practice this, to come alongside someone and glorify the Lord together.

Have an amazing week!

Freedom Friday: Invest in Intimacy

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If you Google “intimacy with God”, there are 576,000 results. That’s a lot of people who are thinking about what it means to have an intimate relationship with our Creator. They want to know what this is, what it looks like and how to get there.

Think of someone in your life with whom you have an intimate relationship. I’m speaking of emotional intimacy, not physical intimacy. How did you develop that intimacy?
Time.
Time, time, time.
And then some more time.
I know. I saw you cringe; you wanted an easier answer. But it’s true.
How did you develop an intimate friendship with someone? You spent time with them. You invested life in them. You were intentional about making space for them in your life. And it took a while, right?
Developing an intimate relationship with Jesus takes time and effort. We need to grow not only in our knowledge of God, but in the ways we relate to Him.
“You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.” Psalm 139:3 (NASB)
God is intimately acquainted with our ways, and wants us to be intimately acquainted with His. How do we do this? Here are some possible ways to develop intimacy with God.
1. Read the Gospels.
One way we can invest in intimacy is to see how others invested in intimacy. How did the disciples develop their relationship with Jesus and how did Jesus develop His relationship with the disciples? Notice what both Jesus and the disciples say, see, experience and feel in the gospel accounts. Put yourself in their shoes as they walk along. Notice the things that Jesus says about life with Him and what it looks like. Notice the ways that Jesus reflects our Father.
2. Practice stillness, silence and solitude.
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10
Make it a practice to sit quietly during your intentional times with God. Listen with expectation. Wait. Pause. Breathe.
Consider taking a silent retreat. Or create intentional times of solitude in your daily life. We read in the gospels that Jesus did this.
“But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” Luke 5:16 (NIV1984)
If He needed it, then we certainly do to.
3. Talk to God.
Talk to God? Do I mean “pray?” Yes & no. Talking to God is part of prayer, but I think prayer for us can sometimes look like giving God our laundry list of daily requests or crying out in a time of desperation.
This is not what I’m talking about.
Think of it this way. Imagine a good friend of yours, someone you speak with regularly. Imagine your day, the things you text to each other, or the funny stories that remind you of this friend.
Now imagine that friend to be Jesus. Talk with Him as if you were talking on the phone with that friend. Tell Him the funny stories or the little things that happen. Share with Him your thoughts, dreams and fears. Pause and listen and wait for His response.
Our God is a jealous God. He desires to work and reign in every area of our lives. Ask God to open your heart and reveal to you areas where you need to draw closer to Him. We need to be jealous of our time with Him, just like we intentionally carve out time for a friend, a spouse or our kids.
Pause. Talk to Him. Read about Him. Listen. Invest in intimacy.

Freedom Friday: Living a Healthily Transparent Life

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Is my life healthily transparent?

This question popped into my mind this week. I had listened to a leadership teaching on finding the balance in being healthily vulnerable and transparent, and it brought to mind how much I have changed.

If you had met me 13 years ago, by the end of our first few months of friendship (and possibly the first few minutes), I would have likely shared what a challenging life I had, all of my current struggles and all the things I thought I had overcome. This would have included intimate details of trials, abuses against me, the many therapists I saw, and tons of “woe is me” moments.

Within a few months of becoming a Christian, I became much more guarded, to the point of hiding. I lived in terror that people in the church would think I wasn’t a real believer based on the things I thought and struggled with.

Recalling all this made me ask the question: how do we go about finding a healthy balance of transparency and privacy?

1. Know Your Own Worth.
As believers, our worth is defined by the cross. It’s not defined by anything we’ve accomplished, but rather, by what Jesus accomplished.

Sometimes we hold things too tightly to ourselves because we are afraid. Afraid of being “found out” as a fraud (as in my story about my resurfacing struggle with same-sex attraction in 2005). Afraid of being rejected. Afraid…..of the unknown, as I discuss in this blog post.

Some of these fears are certainly warranted. The world is full of imperfect people who may respond imperfectly to whatever you share. But when your worth is defined by the cross and who God says you are as His adopted child, it allows us to respond in a healthy and godly way to any real or perceived rejection or “brush-off”.

Other times, we hold things too loosely. When I became a Christian, I visited the Christian group at the college I was attending and was invited to Bible study. The Bible study leader invited me to lunch beforehand, to get to know me better. Oh, boy, was she in for a surprise! I told her all my business and then some! In fact, I shared so much that she asked one of the other group leaders who knew me better, “Is Brenna always that open?”

I did this because I was so sure she would reject me for my sordid past that I figured I might as well get it over with first thing. Her response? “OK! Bible study is at 5 PM on Tuesdays. Can’t wait to see you there!”

As you can see, oversharing and undersharing can be two sides of the same coin and are often rooted in the same fears. Knowing our worth needs to be the foundation of who we are and how we live. It helps us to have wisdom and discernment in the choices we make about sharing life with others.

2. Know the Worth of Others
Often times, we talk about “normal people” and put those people on a pedestal. We think that “normal people” wouldn’t understand our struggles, or will judge us.

No one is normal; “normal people” only exist in our imagination. As I heard someone once say, normal is a setting on the dryer. Everyone has something that they’d rather others not know. The ground at the foot of the cross is level. The same blood that was spilled for you was spilled for all those “normal people”.

Another thing to consider is how you react to others sharing. If you are asking people to accept you “as is” without judgment, are you willing to do the same?

3. Strive for Balance
We will make mistakes as we try to find the middle ground in healthy transparency. There are some questions we can ask ourselves as we try to be balanced.

If you tend toward sharing too much of yourself too soon, ask yourself: has this person earned the right to this information? If you just met them, the answer is likely no. Trust is built with time, and the more intimate details of your life should be shared with those who have proved themselves to be trustworthy.

If you tend toward sharing too little, ask: am I holding this information back due to fear? Is what I’m feeling the prompting of the Holy Spirit, but I’m not responding due to my own insecurities?

I now try to live with healthy transparency. This is my life, and these are my stories. I can choose to share them, or choose not to. I try to live with a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and an openness to sharing parts of my life and journey if that might be helpful to someone.

Are you living your life with healthy transparency today?

Freedom Friday: Face Your Default Setting

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It’s happened to all of us.

We are walking down the street, out of a class, into the board room, and something happens.

Someone makes a comment that feels like a slight.

We share our excitement with someone, and they minimize.

We open up about a struggle, and it is dismissed.

We are reminded of a shortcoming.

We feel weak. Exposed. Undervalued. Ignored.

We retreat to our default setting.

What is a “default setting”?

A “default setting” is the place you retreat to when triggered. It could be an action (like reaching for pornography) or an emotion (like falling into complacency, depression or suicidality).

A “default setting” could be a ritual, the places you go and the patterns you fall into when self-medicating.

We all have a default setting. You may have one or many. It may change over time, depending on various contributors.

The concept of a “default setting” is something I recently started thinking about while talking to a friend. She has a very clear default setting that she goes to when something triggers her or the outside stressors feel like too much.

My default setting is currently mild depression, lethargy and lack of motivation. I was sent to my default setting on Monday by some challenges that came my way over the weekend. I woke up, feeling down, and spent most of the day, sitting and staring at my computer. At around 4 PM, I finally was able to snap myself out of it long enough to do some stuff around the house.

I’ll ask you to think for a minute: what is your default setting?

Sometimes, the pattern of going to our default setting is so ingrained in us that it’s like going from 0-60 in a split second. Other times, we can see ourselves slowly descending to that place. Either way, we need an action plan to either usurp the process or pick us up out of it, as is clear from my personal example above.

Here are a few things I thought of.

1. Reach Out.
Create a list of people that you can call when you are headed to or arriving at your default setting. If calling is too hard, email or preferably text, so someone can call you back right away. Have a code word, if asking for help is too hard, that your friends know ahead of time means you’re at your default setting.

Speaking with a group of people about this topic recently, many of their default settings involved withdrawal and isolation, as well as acting out in whatever way they typically self-medicate. Russell Willingham says that relational problems require relational solutions. That’s why the first step is to reach out and try to connect with someone. It is also an example of practicing James 5:16.

But if you reach out, and are unable to connect…

2. Check HALT.
We talked in a past post about HALT.

Are you:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

If so, remedy that.

3. Do something.
This may seem kind of obvious, but remove yourself from the situation. If pornography is your struggle, go to a public place. If you find yourself headed to a location where you usually act out, turn around. If you identify that your emotions are spiraling and descending into despair or self-loathing, do something that makes you happy. Read an encouraging note that you received (I have an encouragement file for just this purpose). Write a list of things ahead of time of “happy activities”, like go for a run, read a comic strip, listen to uplifting music, or read today’s “Stuff Christians Like” guest post (seriously, you will laugh if you know the song he’s talking about, and I love that song, as you know if you read my blog regularly). Do something that takes you out of your situation.

4. Pray and speak truth to yourself.
Ask God for help. “Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray.” James 5:13a

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.” Matthew 26:41

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

Pray. Remind yourself whatever you are facing is not unique. Tell yourself the truth, that God loves you (a million Scriptures, John 3:16 to start with), you are written on the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16), that His arm is not too short to deliver you, nor does He lack the strength to rescue you (Isaiah 52:2), and He is an ever-present help in time of need (Psalm 46:1). And then pray again.

And if you are still at your default setting….

5. Reach Out Again.
Start with step 1 and do it all again.

It is most helpful to have a plan written out somewhere. You can add things to your own list. The problem with our default setting is usually we go there so quickly, it’s hard to be proactive in pulling ourselves out. That’s why connecting with someone is the best way to deal with our default setting. That person can speak truth to our situation and pray for us when we are unable to speak truth to and pray for ourselves. And if we are unable to connect, having a plan written up ahead of time gives us some other ideas about how to constructively address our default setting.

Freedom Friday: "I Have No Man": Looking for Help in All the Wrong Places

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The Pool by Palma Giovane

Last week, I heard someone quoting John 5 on the radio and it was opened up to me in a whole new way.

Now there is in Jerusalem by the sheep gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew Bethesda, having five porticoes. In these lay a multitude of those who were sick, blind, lame, and withered, [waiting for the moving of the waters; for an angel of the Lord went down at certain seasons into the pool and stirred up the water; whoever then first, after the stirring up of the water, stepped in was made well from whatever disease with which he was afflicted.]

A man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to him, “Do you wish to get well?”

The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me.”

The above quote is from the NASB; you can read the whole chapter here.

I’ve heard this passage discussed quite a bit in recovery circles. In fact, it’s the basis of Steve Arterburn’s challenging book “Healing is a Choice“.

And what has always stuck out to me was the man’s response. I always viewed him as sort of making excuses in his reply to Jesus. After all, he didn’t answer Jesus as to whether or not he wanted to get well; rather, he pointed out the reasons why he couldn’t get well.

But on this occasion, I was most struck by the fact that the help he needed was right in front of his face, but he was unwilling or unable to see and accept it.

Do we sometimes ask the wrong people for help? Are the people who are available to best support us right in front of our faces, and yet we don’t reach out?

A few months back, I was feeling a bit lonely and undersupported. I was lamenting this fact to Roy: all my friends are busy, have kids, have jobs, live far away, boo-hoo, no one loves me 🙁 He reminded me of my pregnancy with Bear, that I had a list of women who I emailed on a regular basis with updates. What was stopping me from doing that again?

What was stopping me was that I hadn’t thought of it!

I have 3 women I am accountable to, so as Roy suggested, I started emailing them regularly with an update to ask for prayer. Two of them live far, far away (as my 3.5 year-old son would say), and one of them lives about an hour away, so while I don’t see them often, I know I have their support in prayer.

One of my default settings is to feel abandoned and rejected. I think that’s part of why it’s a challenge for me to reach out. But I can’t complain about having inadequate support if I never actually asked anyone to support me. So I’ve also started asking others for support & help, even if they are likely busy and will say no. I can make an active choice not to allow past rejection & abandonment keep me from having deep, connected, supportive relationships.

Maybe the man at the pool had a similar default setting as I do (I’ll be talking about “default settings” thoroughly in a future Freedom Friday, but just imagine it’s the place and space you find yourself falling back to). It wouldn’t be surprising, given that he’d been sick with something for 38 years, and no one was helping him get into the pool (likely the only way he thought he’d ever be healed). There was nothing wrong with his plan (to have someone lift him into the pool), but he was so fixated on that plan that he didn’t see the help that was available right in front of him.

Where have you been looking for help? All the right places, or all the wrong places? Have you been so fixated on a particular plan that you are sure would work that you can’t see that the help you need is readily available to you?

Freedom Fridays: Learning to Walk in Freedom Wrap Up

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Today, we’re wrapping up the “Learning to Walk in Freedom” series. If you click on that link to read the series, make sure you scroll to the very end to start, as the posts are in reverse order.

What have we covered so far in “Learning to Walk in Freedom“?

Intro: What is Freedom?
1. Spend Time with the Freedom Giver
2. Spend Time with Freedom Seekers
3. Act
4. Understand Grace
5. Think Like a Free Person

This list is by no means exhaustive, nor is it intended to be a list of “the keys” to walking in freedom. These are simply some truths that have helped me and others as we desire to walk in the fullness of all that Jesus died to give us.

We need to be willing to do whatever it takes to walk in freedom. Whatever it takes! If you struggle with pornography, put a filter on your computer, or install Covenant Eyes or a similar software, which reports all the sites you view to one or two accountability people in your life.

Can’t think of anyone to hold you accountable? Then disconnect the Internet at your house or on your phone. Go to the library to check your e-mail.

You’re probably thinking, “Now, that’s just unrealistic.” Remember, we lived for centuries without e-mail, and even as recently as 10 or 15 years ago, it was something only a few people could access from their homes. Some people still don’t have email! Shocking, I know 🙂

Some people I know can’t even watch secular TV or listen to secular music because the themes are triggers for them.

I’m talking about taking drastic measures! If you’re not willing to do whatever it takes, then you don’t really want freedom in your life.

That may sound harsh, but it’s the truth.

At an Exodus conference, I heard a speaker share that she made a list of 20 people she could call if she was having a “Moment of Maybe” as described in “Act like a Free Person, Part 2“. She wrote it in order of how well she knew these people, 1 being her closest friend and 20 being a good acquaintance. One day during such a moment, she called through the entire list. No one answered. She started calling through the list again. #14 picked up. She said, “I’m calling because I’m struggling with temptation right now and just needed to tell someone. Could you ask me tomorrow if I need good choices for the rest of the day?” She didn’t need to go into details, but she needed to reach out and be honest with someone.

I know a grown man who would give his car keys to his dad or his accountability partner and would have to tell them where he wanted to go and basically ask them permission to use his own car. Why? Because he struggled with acting out sexually. He took drastic measures!

I remember being at an event with an ex-girlfriend who made it very clear that she would like to “get back together”. As soon as I got home, I called a friend and let her know what happened, lest I be tempted to do anything. It was like 1 or 2 in the morning, but I didn’t care. My relationship with God was just more important.

You may be thinking, “That’s fine for you, Brenna, but you don’t know how dirty and ugly my struggles are.” Please don’t tell me that you can’t tell anyone, that no one would understand, or that you’re too embarrassed or ashamed of your struggles to bring accountability into your life. Those things may feel true to you, but you are in essence saying that you are unwilling to do what God says is necessary for walking in freedom.

I do get it. Not only did I struggle with same-sex attraction for years, I had an eating disorder where I was addicted to laxatives (talk about gross) and I self-injured. I cut myself with anything I could get my hands on, and when I decided that was just not acceptable, I punched things, punched myself and banged my head against walls.

Talk about ugly!

But I came to the point where I just didn’t care what anyone thought about me. I could not live this way anymore – my desire for experiencing freedom in my life began to outweigh any shame or embarrassment I felt. I was tired of struggling. And I became more disgusted by the sin in my life than I was concerned about what anyone thought about me.

Ultimately, it only matters what Jesus thinks about me and how I present myself to Him today and on judgment day.

Are we willing to do Hebrews 12, “let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

Free people do whatever it takes to become free and remain free. Whatever it takes. Jesus did whatever it took. He gave up everything.

It’s OK to not quite be there yet. When I started to recover from my eating disorder, I prayed, “God, help me want to recover.” The reality was I knew that recovery would be difficult and lengthy, that I would gain weight, and that I would have to deal with all the pain and hurt I was avoiding by abusing my body. I didn’t want that. Who in their earthly selves would? So I prayed, “God, help me to want recovery. Help me desire You.”

God gave His only Son for you, for your freedom. Tasting freedom will eventually be so much more satisfying than a life of bondage.

God wants us to experience freedom, the freedom that is available to all of us through the resurrection power of Jesus Christ.

Pray this with me.
God, you know where my heart is today. You know the doubts and the fears and the struggles. Help me desire freedom. Give me the willingness to do whatever it takes to follow You and to experience all You have for me. Help me recognize the lies and replace them with truth. Forgive me for not relying on Your grace, but instead relying on my own strength and effort. Forgive me for my unwillingness to take drastic measures, for making excuses, for hiding from You and Your healing and love. I need You. Your Word say when I am weak, You are strong and that in Your strength, I can do all things. I need You. I desperately need You. Be Lord of my life today and every day. In Jesus’ mighty, powerful, holy name, I pray. Amen.

Do Today’s Christians Idealize the Early Church?

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Some friends and I have been discussing a blog post of John Piper’s entitled Don’t Equate Historically Early with Theologically Accurate

I am neither endorsing or not endorsing (what’s the opposite of endorsing? rejecting? disapproving? anyway…) John Piper or what he has to say in his blog post. But it got me thinking:

Do today’s Christians idealize the early church?

I just began reading the book of Acts again (prior to that, I read all the gospels), so this question really hit home for me.

I think many Christians do try to “reclaim” the early church by trying to create a church service or environment that looks like what they perceive the early church to have looked like. So they meet in homes, sometimes without a formal leader, focus on the book of Acts and the epistles, abandon a lot of the structure and programs that have come to mean “church” today. I’ll be upfront and say I am not at all “anti-house church”. Not at all. I am aware of some of the dangers (many do not have strong oversight and accountability, for one) as well as the benefits (many don’t have a set leader, so all input is valued, family worship is encouraged, to name a few).

But I think trying to recreate the early church environment is missing the point.

I have been reading about Amy Carmichael, and something she said really struck me (if you follow me on Twitter, I quoted this a few weeks ago):

I don’t wonder apostolic miracles have died. Apostolic living certainly has.

Those who idealize the early church seem to want to live church as the early church had church, but they don’t want to live lives as the early church lived their lives. I don’t mean we have to live on a commune, having no possessions of our own and striving to figure out what it means to have “everything in common“. But we often are not willing to live our lives generously, sacrificially, reaching out to others often with the truth of the Gospel.

That is what identified the early church – not what their meetings looked like, but what their lives looked like. Read the book of Acts to get a full picture of what the early church looked like, as well as the epistles, to get an accurate idea of the challenges they faced.

May we commit to living lives that glorify God and put Him in the center, sacrificially, generously, devoting ourselves to the Word, to fellowship, to prayer and breaking bread, caring for each other and bearing each others’ burdens, as our early church fathers did.

Freedom Fridays: Act Like a Free Person, Part 2

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Freedom Fridays: Act Like a Free Person, Part 1

Recap: we as believers should not be surprised when we fall into old habits and patterns. That’s why I call it “learning to walk in freedom”. We need to proactively make choices to act like a free person.

Acting like a free person means in those “moments of maybe”, as a former pastor called them, those moments where we are tempted:
Tempted to sin
Tempted to see ourselves in any other way than how God sees us
Tempted to believe the lies and fall back into old patterns, tempted to take our unhealthy/unhelpful thoughts and run with them

In those moments, we choose to act like a free person.

A free person would realize the temptation she is experiencing is common to man. That person would choose to act as if she were free rather than act as if she is still enslaved to that temptation and has to give in.

A free person would say to that dark thought, “That’s not what Jesus says about me!” A free person would say to that boundary violation “I will leave the room if you continue to speak to me that way.” A free person would say, “In the past, my emotions have felt overwhelming, so rather than choose to feel them, I choose to medicate my emotions through food, sex, power, escape. I can make different choices today, knowing that I can experience these emotions and they won’t kill me because I can handle anything with the Freedom Giver and other Freedom Seekers at my side.”

So you see this isn’t just about saying no to sin. It’s about saying no to bondage in all its forms and saying yes to throwing off the chains.

Don’t forget it’s a process. We’re back to the analogy of training, running a race. When we were slaves to sin, our body and mind was trained that, when faced with temptation, we sin, we give in to the negative thoughts, we let our boundaries be trampled on. So like an athlete needs to discipline himself or herself to train, whereas it feels much more natural to sit on the couch and watch TV, we too need to train and discipline ourselves so that when we are faced with temptation, we, like Joseph when Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce him as told in Genesis 39, flee the scene rather than give in to old habits and say yes.

We read this in Romans 6: “From now on, think of it this way: Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you; God speaks your mother tongue, and you hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God. That’s what Jesus did. That means you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don’t give it the time of day. Don’t even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you’ve been raised from the dead!—into God’s way of doing things. Sin can’t tell you how to live. After all, you’re not living under that old tyranny any longer. You’re living in the freedom of God.”

There are a million different reasons why we choose to old behaviors/patterns/choices rather than choosing to act free. It’s not just because it feels good or natural. We sin because we have emotions, feelings & experiences that we have trouble dealing with. We sin because we lack coping mechanisms. We sin to avoid uncomfortable feelings. We feel lonely, we feel rejected,, we feel unlovable – so we go out & try to hook up with someone. The feelings are still there, but we get to escape them for awhile. We sin – because we’re used to the chaos.

So when we start taking a risk & saying no to our old nature, these feelings will come up & we need to make sure we have a support system in place to deal with them. I heard someone who struggled with same-sex attraction share in his testimony that he would go to his counseling appointments, feel all these overwhelming feelings, and on the way home, he’d hook up with someone. Finally, he contacted a friend and said, “Look, I just need someone to hang out with me for a couple hours after my appointment.” We need to learn appropriate self-care.

Next week we’ll find out the freedom step that makes it easier to say no to the old nature.

Freedom Fridays: Spend Time with Freedom Seekers

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So far in this Freedom Friday series “Learning to Walk in Freedom”, we’ve talked about:
What is Freedom, part 1 & part 2
Spending Time with the Freedom Giver, part 1 & part 2

Today, we’re going to talk about the importance of spending time with other freedom seekers.

Hebrews 10 says “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

This is the often-quoted verse that many Christians use to say we are required to go to church. And they have a point – we can’t encourage other Christians and spur each other on if we never see each other. But why? Why does God want us to spend time around other believers?

Jesus spent a lot of time telling the disciples how to treat each other and what they could learn from each other, as did the authors of the epistles. There are at least 46 examples of what I refer to as “one another” and “each other” statements in the New Testament, the most common being that we love one another. The Bible repeats over and over that believers must not only love one another, but admonish, submit to, instruct, encourage, offer hospitality to each other. And how do we learn how to do this? In the company of other believers!

But that’s not the only reason the Bible tells us to continue meeting together. Specifically, learning to heal, but also to walk out our freedom, always happens in the context of community. This isn’t something we can learn alone. I think one of the biggest lies the enemy tries to convince us of is that all I need to heal is me & God: no one else. That’s simply not true and frankly, it’s not Biblical. In James 5:16, it says “confess your sins to one another (notice it doesn’t say “To God alone”), and pray for one another so that you may be healed.” It’s talking about believers. There is something about confessing our sins that continues to put the secrecy of sin to death, silences the lies we’re believing about ourselves and about our sin, and ultimately brings healing into our lives.

It’s completely inaccurate to think that the Christian walk is something we can live out in our prayer closets. And, again, not Biblical.

You may be reading this blog not for your own struggle, but because of a loved one who is struggling with a life-controlling issue. This point is just as important to you.

In John 11, when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, and Lazarus emerged from the tomb, Jesus told those who were there to “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.” Who was at the tomb? Mary, Martha and a crowd of Jews.

Was it easy for those people to even consider unwrapping Lazarus? Jews were forbidden to touch a dead person, but Jesus saw something quite different.

He saw through the grave clothes. 

Jesus saw someone who once was dead, but was now alive. He saw a new creation, and He didn’t ask that others be involved in the healing process. He didn’t say, “would you mind taking off his grave clothes?”  He commanded that they be involved. It wasn’t something Lazarus could have done himself. He was still all bound up. So we need to allow other believers to be involved in the healing process. It’s not only Biblical, but God commands it.

Sometimes we try to buck up, be strong, & get through things on our own, but that’s not what God requires of us. Instead, God calls us to be utilize His strength, not our own.  In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul talks about this very concept when God says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul says that because of this, he will boast (or confess) “all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”  You cannot avoid this concept in the Bible; you will run into it again & again.

So we need other believers – to learn about God, to learn how to love and to bring freedom and healing in our lives. And not just recovery-oriented groups. At the ministry I direct, we have a strong suggestion that, in addition to regular church involvement, people also be involved in a church small group and not another recovery group. We have found that another invaluable component to the healing process. Recovery-oriented groups are not necessarily an accurate representation of what it looks like to build relationships with those outside of recovery-oriented ministries.

Spend time with other freedom seekers. Remember the transparency of Jesus, that there was a level of transparency He reserved only for certain people in His life. Not everyone needs to know all our business, but a few people need to know most of it. Find people who are not afraid to be weak, who talk about sin and struggle in an honest and redemptive way.

I’ve actually written a whole article on how to build healthy relationships. There’s definitely a lot more to be said on this topic, so feel free to read it 🙂

Next week? Act like a free person.

Secrets

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A ministry colleague & friend of mine wrote this great article with the working title “I’ve Got a Secret” (it had a much longer title when published!).

Imagine what it would be like to be free of the fear that someone might discover our secrets. Imagine what the world would see if it saw the Church being real, and saw the powerful presence of God as the church worshipped in total honesty with hearts unencumbered by secrets. Imagine how many marriages might be saved and addictions diverted and damage contained if we shared our struggles sooner rather than later.

This article really hit home for me personally. I walked away from reading it asking myself how is it that we can go through such difficult things (for me, not just same-sex attraction, but an eating disorder & self-injury), and yet with today’s trials & struggles, I’m still tempted to hide them until I have them all figured out? I wonder at what point in my life, if ever, I’ll feel comfortable just saying, in the appropriate context, what I’m dealing with.

You think I’d have this figured out by now! I definitely need to think on this more.