Deep breaths.

Today is my dad’s birthday. In case you’re new to my blog, my dad graduated to heaven November 9, 2012. He was only 64 at the time. He’d be 72 if he were still here.

I am about to speak frankly. My mom is an alcoholic and just struggles a lot with life. I love my mother dearly and don’t wish I had a different mom. But due to her behavior, the way she talks to me and her disease, we do not have a relationship. We can’t have much of a relationship. If I let you listen to some of the things she’s said to me, you would be horrified (she leaves voicemails for me while drinking).

That makes the absence of my dad all the more difficult.

I started the day with a nice walk and some worship, a work meeting, some healthy food, some worship time, some Bible reading, some deep thoughts. I even worked on a song I’m writing.

What happened after that? It’s not really worth recounting.

I wish my emotions weren’t tossed to and fro so easily. This is another reason I eat. I’m gathering quite a long list of reasons! But when my eating is out of control, that’s my focus. I fixate on that as a source of many problems.

I’m tired of talking today. So I’m going to share a song with you that’s been hitting me so deeply, especially with all the talk about the heart.

This is just the chorus of this song by Rita Springer. It’s called “Landslide.”

You’re after my heart and You’re gonna win it
You’re after my heart and I’m gonna give it
And every piece, and every part
You’re after it all, oh, You’re after my heart

Bible Reading: Romans 10-11
Prayer Cards Prayed: Check
Food Tracked: Check
Activity: Check
Daily Reading: Check
Worship in Song: Check
Choosing to Trust: Trying